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[nimrod3k]

      The cafeteria was back to normal today.  It had looked very different when it was set up for a party.  Emily, Jack and Andy were coming back from their control class.  As they were about to get sat down with their food one of the Administrator's secretaries approached them.
     "The Administrator wants to see you."
     "But we just got sat down." Emily said.
     "Oh not you.  Just Andrew and Jack."
     "Well, we just got sat down too."  Jack said.
     "There will be food waiting for you when you get out of the meeting."
     "Ok.  We'll catch up with you later Emily."  Andy said.  "By the way," he said turning to the secretary, "What is the administrators name?  Everybody just calls him the administrator."
     "He does not wish to have is name revealed due to the nature of the students and their potential.  Nothing personal but there are sure to be several bad pennies.  It is for his protection and with his protection he can better protect you."
     When they walked into the meeting they saw Jonah and Josh.  Then their eyes wandered up to the desk and the black suited administrator in an armchair at his desk.
     "Ah Jack, Andy please take a seat." he said motioning to the two empty chairs at the desk.  As they were taking their seats they noticed some interesting devices on the desk.  One of which the administrator flicked on.  "That should give us some more privacy."
     "I guess you are wondering why you are here.  Josh and Jonah here are our first graduates.  They have both showed excellent commitment and skill in preforming the missions put before them.  As such we are trying something a little new.
     "These two graduates have been given the responsibility to each pick students that they feel are ready to apply themselves in the field and take them on their next mission for more advance and hopefully productive training.
     "Aaron has also requested to accompany you."
     "So, Why isn't he here?" Jack asked.
     "He is," a voice from the corner replied.  Jack and Andy visibly startled.
     Andy quickly changing the subject firmly said, "I want Emily to come!"
     "I am sorry, but we will not risk a student who has a power not suited to combat being put on the field."
     "But, She has helped us use our power in the past."
     "I'm sorry...but i just cannot move on..." The administrator started
     "I will vouch for her and keep an eye on her.  Assuming she wants to go."  Jukebox said.
     "Very well, But I don't want to see this kind of thing become habit.  So do you accept?"  Jack and Andy nodded.  "Good, you may all leave now."
     As everybody got up to leave, the administrator said, "Actually Josh could you stay behind?"

[The Purple Power]

Later, Josh and Jack meet for the first time in an empty gymnasium...

"So," Jack said, "What are we doing here, mission prep?"

"No," Josh stated bluntly, "I am to begin your personal training immediately.  I am authorized to train you in any manner that I see fit.  You will follow me now."  Josh turned and entered a room adjacent to the gymnasium.

As Jack entered, he noticed a large pit in the middle of the room, with nothing connecting their side to the other.  The pit was at least twenty feet down, if not more, and the bottom was filled with water.

"You are going to get across," Josh paused, "Without touching the water."  Jack stared at him, wide-eyed.

"What!?" he began "How on earth I am supposed to do that?"

"I don't know, that's for you to figure out."

Jack stared at the pit again.  It was at least a thirty foot jump, no way he could get across that way.  Normally he'd consider swimming, but he wasn't allowed to touch the water.  He began to pace as he thought.  Josh leaned up against the wall and watched Jack pacing.  After a few minutes, Jack turned to face Josh.

"Do you have any supplies I can use?" he asked.

"Only what's in the room." Josh replied smugly.

Jack resumed pacing.  After another minute or two he spoke again.

"I have an idea..." he began.

"Don't tell me, show me!" Josh replied, eager to see his new pupil in action.  Jack took a deep breath and held out his hands.  A low rumble shook the room, after a moment a huge piece of the floor floated into the air with Jack on it.  He thrust his hands forward and the object floated slowly forward.

At first it appeared as though Jack would make it without difficulty when suddenly the piece of the floor that Jack was floating on began to wobble.  Then it dropped out of the air.  Quickly, Josh dove into the pit after Jack.  He landed softly on a bed of penguins.  He stood up grabbed the now unconscious Jack, and jumped into the air once more.  This time, however, a tower of penguins appeared beneath him and he continued to jump from one penguin tower to the next until he had safely exited the pit.

Josh set Jack on the ground and breathed deeply.

"This kid is something else." he said between breaths.

[nimrod3k]

     "So from now on all of your power training will be with me" Jonah said as Andy came out of English class, "and I have just the place.  Follow me."
     "Hello to you too," Andy replied as he started to follow.
     Jonah paused.  "Sorry," he said, "I just get excited when I'm dealing with somebody with a lot of potential.  No pun intended."
     "The fact that you said it so quickly afterwards implies that the pun was completely intended."
     "So it was, so it was.  Some people say I have an uncanny knack for them."
     "Ha, ha, very funny."
     "I thought so.  Ah here we are."  Andy looked around and noticed that they were at the gymnasium.  He then followed Jonah to the room that Josh and Jack were at.  (Disclaimer: most first names are based off of friends of ours.  It is not that we specifically like J's it is just that we know a lot of them...People with J's in their names not J's themselves.)
     As Andy entered the room he noticed a large gap in the room.  He immediately looked for a way past.  "Um...there is no way across.  Am I supposed to get across there?"
     "What?  Oh, no." Jonah replied, "That can-yon was for somebody else.  I think Josh was in here earlier."
     "So...what are we doing here then?"
     "Over in this corner is a variable output circuit.  I understand that control has been your worst class.  Therefore, I would like to help you identify the feeling of the energy being absorbed.  For a long time you have been getting a little bit here and a little bit there."
     "So you want to electrocute me?"  Andy asked. "Sounds inhumane."
     "Never fear.  I will keep it well within levels survivable by most humans of your mass."
     "Okay.  So you're sure about it?"  As he put electrodes on either side of his hand.
     "Uh...Sure."  he replied hastily turning on the power.
     "AHHHHHHHHHHH," Andy's first feeling was pain.  Then it dulled down to an itch.  With the pain gone he was able to feel a tingling that was growing rapidly.
     "The pain is gone?"  Jonah asked.
     "Yes.  Thank you so much for the pain"
     "Your welcome.  Do you feel the power going through you now?"
     "Yes"
     "Okay.  What I want you to do is manipulate that feeling until you feel pain."
     "So you want me to go against my baser instincts and hurt myself?" Andy questioned. "Are you helping me become a hero or a masochist?"
     "I am helping you to have a semblance of control over your power."
     Andy concentrated on the automatic reaction his body had to the change in electric potential.  He then attempted to reversed the process.  After several failed attempts he finally felt the electricity running it's normal course.  "OW, ow, ow. ow."  He tore the electrodes off.
     "You know you could have turned your power back on."
     "I just wanted the pain gone!"
     "Interesting.  There is one more thing I want to do with you.  You have all that extra energy.  Let's use this can-yon to see how well you can move."  Jonah raises his arms as cans fly from all over his person.  "Get to the other side as fast as you can. Don't worry the cans will be perfectly sturdy."  The cans all rested in random places above the canyon.
    Andy surveyed his options for a minute and picked a route.  He started off fast.  Leaping from can to can.  As he was getting close to the end Jonah moved the can Andy was going to next by half-an-inch.  As Andy landed on it his foot slipped and he hung about 15 feet from the water below by a soda can.  He climbed back up and took that last few feet a little slower.
     When Jonah then made a plate of cans and glided himself over.  "You moved it on..." Andy started, his face bright red.
     "Can it.  Let that be a lesson to you.  You are used to a relatively pain free world.  Because of this you take unnecessary  risks.  Remember you are mortal.  There are two things I want you to focus on for the next few days.
     "I want you to  go without using your powers unless asked to by a teacher or some other important person.  With this remember that you will need more sleep.  I also want you to feel pain.  Experience mortality.  If you cannot do anything through your pain you are useless to us and if you take risks that we have to protect you from you will be more of a bother than a help.
     "I still see a lot of potential in you but ability alone is not enough."
     "Okay." Andy replied still looking a little red.
     "I think we are going to get along just fine."

[nimrod3k]

     While Jack and Andy were busy Emily was hanging out with Aaron in one of the student lounges.
     "Thanks for vouching for me."  Emily said, "I honestly don't know how I would get by without my friends near me."
     "The only question I have is: is my trust well placed?  Will you be more of a help or a hindrance.  I see a lot of potential in your abilities to give people the emotional strength to fight.  But if you break down you ruin everything.  Will you break down?"  He pause a moment but looked like he was going to continue so Emily waited.  "Dangit.  That was two questions."
     He looked at Emily expectantly.  "I honestly don't know.  When I am with my friend I always feel like my problems aren't as severe and I can cope.  But I wake up in a horrible state most mornings.  My control classes have been only slightly helpful.  If it is what is required to go I will gladly learn control on my power."
     "You have a few days while a mission is arranged.  I want to let you go.  But my first responsibility is to the safety of those I potentially could put in danger with my decision.  I do not take my influence lightly.
     "I will try my hardest not to let you down"
     "Thank you," Aaron then proceeded to play under his breath.  It sounded kind of like "I So Hate Consequences" by Relient K.

[The Purple Power]

nimrod congrats!!  Those last pieces were written excellently.  Now back to Wannabee Superheroes (lol):

That Friday, the last day before their mission...

Josh, Jonah, and Jack entered the gym together.  It appeared as though the last class of the day wasn't over.  Two teams were violently throwing rubber balls at each other.  They were playing dodgeball.

Andy was on one team and he was doing quite well.  He had a few team members left and they were against only one female opponent.  Jack recognized a few of Andy's teammates.  One of them was Eric Mason.  He was an invincible man but his offensive skills were not as good.  Another one was Brett Adolfsen; however, shortly after Jack and the others arrived, he hit a wall and was knocked unconscious.  Andy dodged the next throw, and countered by throwing another ball back at his opponent.

The girl however, was no stranger to dodging because she sidestepped only moments before she would have been hit.  Unfortunately, Andy had thrown it to hard and the ball began bouncing off of walls until it collided with Eric who, saying nothing, quietly left the area.  Andy and this girl were the only ones who remained.  Andy picked up the ball that he had thrown and threw it as hard and as fast as he could.  This time, however, the girl began cartwheeling backwards until she reached the wall.  Then, she jumped above the ball and let it hit the wall beneath.  The ball proceeded to bounce right back at Andy, who couldn't react in time and fell over onto his back from the impact force of the ball.

[The Purple Power]

"Sorry about that,"  the girl said as she helped Andy to his feet, "I'm Anne Sousa.  Friends call me Annie."

"Not a problem Anne." Andy replied casually, "I'm supposed to feel pain this week.  I'm Andrew Foss"

"Please," she said sweetly, "Anne."

"Oh, okay." Andy blushed, "So, um, what's your power?"

"I can dodge anything." Anne replied, almost bouncing as she spoke.

"Well, that explains why you're so good at dodgeball." Andy remarked, rubbing his gut where the ball had hit.

"Never could aim very well, so I just let the ball bounce back at the other team." she said, "What about you, what's your power?"

"I can absorb energy." Andy stated proudly.

"What kind of energy?" Anne asked, batting her eyes.

"Um, I'm not..." Andy started.

Suddenly, Jack, Jonah, Josh, and Emily came over.  Emily looked pretty upset, she immediately grabbed Anne.

"Come on, honey," Emily said sarcastically. "We need to let these boys train on their own."  With that, Emily practically dragged Anne out of the gym.

"Enough chatter," Josh said, "It's time for your last day of training..."

[The Purple Power]

"Today," Jonah started, "Andy and I will be fighting Josh and Jack.  This means that you will be fighting your friend, but we are not fighting to kill.  Remember that."  Jonah and Jack walked out of the gym and into one of the locker rooms.  Josh and Andy turned and entered another.  After a few minutes both teams reentered the gymnasium wearing

"Okay, whichever team is incapacitated first loses." Josh said, "And remember, aim to knock out, not kill."

"Got it," the group replied.

"Ready..." Josh started, "Go!!"

Jonah attacked first, he propelled several cans directly at Josh.  Josh countered by summoning a wall of penguins to block the attack.  Andy dove at Jack and tackled him, he went to punch his face, but Jack was already using his powers on a nearby dodgeball.  It flew at Andy and hit his face, then it fell and landed on Jack's face.

Just my luck, he thought.

Josh unsummoned his penguins and created a summoned a vast wad of penguins right above Jonah.  Jonah reacted by moving cans above his head, but it was too late.  The penguins crushed Jonah beneath them.

Meanwhile, Andy was dodging objects that Jack was throwing.  Jack now used his telekinesis to grab a small bench.  He thrust it in Andy's direction.  However, he failed to realize that the bench was behind him and in throwing the bench, it collided with his own head first.  Jack fell to the floor, he was out cold.

Josh turned to Andy, he prepared to strike.  Suddenly, Josh heard a low rumble.  His pile of penguins shifted for a moment, then stopped.  Another rumble shook the gym, the pile shifted slightly.  Then, with a low bang, Jonah threw the penguins off, and they all disappeared into a puff of smoke.  Jonah withdrew the cans he had used to break out with and compressed the empty ones into a disk shape.  He hurled these disc at Josh.  Josh then leapt to one side and summoned a few penguins.  He pointed in Andy's direction and the penguins marched off to attack him.  Josh turned to Jonah and summoned a giant ball of penguins.  He then pushed this ball at Jonah.  This time Jonah tried to move to one side but fell.  Apparently Josh had also summoned penguins around his feet.  The ball flattened Jonah like a pancake and disappeared.

Josh now turned his attention to Andy, who had just defeated the last penguin.  Josh now summoned a tower of penguins behind Andy.  This tower then began to fall.  Andy leapt aside and rushed Josh.  Andy moved faster than Josh had expected and he couldn't react in time.  Andy tackled Josh and stood up, only to find his foe unconscious.

Andy had won.

Just then Aaron walked in.

http://ffvosv.coolsushi.com/soundtrack/108%20Victory%27s%20Fanfare.mp3

//he sings the above sound clip

"Shut up, Aaron," Andy replied angrily, brushing himself off.

[nimrod3k]

     Andy felt a wave of dizziness.  "I think I need to sit down."  Behind Aaron there stood a man in priestly attire.
     "My name is Reverend Matthew Simons.  I will be with you in a moment."
     "Why is there a reverend here?" Andy asked Aaron through a fuzzy head.
     "Oh he can preform miracles through faith.  It was scientifically proven."  Aaron replied.  "It has not been determined whether his power comes from a specific deity or just faith in anything.  It's kind of hard to test because, well, he is the only one with this power and he is a devout Christian."
     As Andy turned back to look again the others were all up and moving and the reverend was walking towards him.
     "Well lets have a look at you." Matthew said, bowing his head.  After a moment he looked up and Andy's head cleared.  "You need sleep.  I have given you some energy but don't exert yourself too much again today."
     "That is fine we are just planning after this" Josh said.
     "Good." Matthew said.  He then turned and headed out the door.
     "We leave for our mission in the morning around 8:00 no later than 8:30.  We were given a tip about the person and we are investigating."  Jonah said.
     "For doing anything out in the field it is procedure to have a costume and a name to protect your identity.  The costume will not be necessary  as there is very little chance we will be seen in public using powers on this mission.  Oh and Costume Caper is on vacation."  Josh said.  "We were handed these names for you:
     "Emily will be E."
     "You mean 2.71828..." Jack started.
     "No.  I already asked" Jonah said.
     "Andy you will be Absorbo." Josh continued.  "and Jack, you will be Psycho Man"
     "Who comes up with these names!" Jack shouted.  "Mine is horrible!"
     "Well I don't.  Don't look at me," Josh said.
     "Well I refuse to use it"
     "By doing this you understand that your identity could be at risk?"
     "Yes."
     "Ok.  Then we'll go through all the names one more time to make sure we use them right:
     "Andy: Absorbo, Jack: Jack, Emily: E, Me: Penguin Man, Aaron: Jukebox, Jonah: Can Man.  Everybody got that."  Everybody nodded.
     "Now I want everybody to rest up and be ready for a recon mission.  Any training restrictions are off tomorrow.  Now get to bed and Jack I would like to speak to you."
    

[The Purple Power]

"Look, Jack." Josh started, not sure how to say it, "Your heart is in the right place it's just..."

"What?" Jack asked, a little offended already.

"The administrator told me that there was something else, something different about you and your power.  Most people's powers are just weird, like mine.  Others, like you and those...speed demons, are great powers that have a drawback.  Yours is still unknown to me.  I want to blame our loss today on that drawback, but I can't be sure.  Either way, I have a request for you on this mission."  Josh said.

"What is it?" Jack asked.

"I want you to avoid using your powers on this mission.  I don't want to risk the teams safety on some unknown force that could destroy us or anyone else, understand?" Josh asked calmly, yet seriously.

"I understand," Jack replied.

Is it dangerous, he thought, Is it really that bad to use my powers.  What is the drawback?  He continued to ponder this as he returned to his room.

A few minutes later he crawled into his bed and lay silent.

Suddenly, he sat up.

"My bad luck!" he shouted.

[nimrod3k]

     The next day they met at the front door where there was an average SUV that you might see anywhere.  They piled in with Jukebox taking the wheel.  Everybody insisted that E get the front.  Especially Absorbo.  Penguin Man and Can Man got the middle and Absorbo and Jack were in the back.  E had a horrible dream the night before the same one she always had.  She had all she could do to not project how she felt onto other people.
     As they started going Absorbo asked.  "So who are we spying on?"
     "He goes by Mr. Evil."  Can Man responded.  "We are going to check out his secret base."
     "If it is so secret how did you find it?" Jack asked.
     "Jonah and I googled it."  Penguin Man responded.
     "Seriously?"  Jack exclaimed.
     "We got a map quest map right to it.  It is labeled as Mr. Evil's villa."
     "How does something like that happen?"  Absorbo asked.
     "Who knows." Jukebox said "But don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Unless you have reason to suspect it is not really a gift horse.  Then I guess you still don't look it in the mouth.  Instead you should find out what it is...and pray it's not a bomb.  You all want some music?"
     They all gave non-committal responses so Jukebox started singing.  "Driving a Truck" by 'Weird Al' by the sound of it.  Everybody started chatting about random stuff.  Emily started feeling a lot better by the end of the car ride and started contributing to the background conversation.

[nimrod3k]

Meet Joe The Pacifist



Those are steel not flame.  The inscription on the left hand side blades is Hylian.  Joe is controlled by a bloodthirsty Geek wannabe ninja.

[nimrod3k]

     They stopped at a small hill with fairly good cover above the villa near the edge of town.  They passed around Binoculars checking out the security.  There were camera's at the front door and back door.  There was an air vent that was completely clear.  It looked about big enough to crawl through comfortably.  The windows had alarms hidden.  But not well enough.
     "And I know that it's so clichè to..." Jukebox started singing. "oh wait that song wasn't talking about air vents."
     "You're right" Can Man said carefully, "It does seem to be a little clichè."
     "Well, If we got a way in we should use it." Absorbo said
     "So, you want to just rush in there and put us all in danger."  Can Man said with a chuckle
     "Yeah, but there appears to be no security there.  Everywhere else seems to be too secure.  It  seems like our best bet."  Jack said
     "I see your point," Can Man said slowly and thoughtfully, "lets go but be careful."
     "Sweet!" Andy said.

     As they got near the villa Jukebox noticed a wire sticking up out of the ground.  "Oh do they have a dog or is this security?"  Jukebox said lightly.  Can Man being in front stopped just short of crossing it.
     "Good catch," E said.
     "My guess is that anything electronic and possibly magnetic will disrupt the flow if you get too close."  Jack said.
     "Seems the most likely." Penguin Man agreed.
     "Well do you guys have anything electronic?' Can Man asked.  Everybody answered no in varying forms except E.
     "I've got my cell phone with me."  E said.
     "Who could you possibly be planning to call on a covert mission?"  Absorbo said.
     "I thought it would be a good idea to have a way to call somebody if we got into trouble that we couldn't handle." E replied.  "and in my defense I had it on silent.
     "While that was fairly good thinking," Jukebox said.  "If you think about it.  A phone has all of your contacts on it.  If it gets into the hands of the enemy they can just get into it and take all of your contact information putting all on it in danger.  Even if you buy a disposable Cell it will have the last number you try to call so if you make a call and then get caught then whatever backup is called will be expected."
     "Okay.  So what do you want me to do with it?"
     "Take out the battery so there is no chance it will broadcast it's position and hide it in the bushes a little ways away so that it won't be in the same location it was last broadcasting.  If you were wondering this is because if they look for it in a circling pattern the area gets exponentially bigger the further you are from the origin."
     As Emily went to hide the phone Can Man said, "Well I guess our only other problem is Absorbo.  Do you think you can make across alright?"
     "No problem," he said confidently.  After several days straight of holding back my power? he thought, There is no way I could mess up.
     "Okay.  Lets go," Penguin Man said, "and remember don't step on the wire."
     As Absorbo passed over the wire he felt his body try to collect the stray electrons but he carefully willed them to remain on their course.
     "Very good," Can Man said.
     "Thanks," Absorbo replied.
     The six of them carefully avoided the cameras and made their way to the vent starting to feel bolstered by Emily's resolve after their success up to this point.  They all climbed in and it turned out they could crawl with two people side by side.  First was Penguin Man and Can Man then Jack and Absorbo followed by Jukebox and E.  After a few feet they all started hearing mission impossible music.
     Penguin Man turned back and whispered, "Jukebox, covert mission."
     "Sorry," Jukebox replied then went silent.  A few seconds later they heard it again very softly gradually getting louder.
     "Jukebox!!" Penguin Man exclaimed.
     "Sorry I just couldn't help it."  he whispered
     After that they were all silent.  They passed a couple of bedrooms and a kitchen they then came to a sign it read:

You fell for it!!

     Just then the vent beneath them collapsed and they fell into a room that looked like it was meant for combat training.  "No pun intended" Can Man said.  He looked up and saw a sign that said:

Pun Intended

     "I'm beginning to like this Mr. Evil."
     "You won't once I'm through with you!"  At the door there was a scrawny looking man around 5'5" with orange, bushy hair; and a slight beard, [insert more description here].  He was holding a hand-and-a-half sword with spikes on one side and a straight blade on the other.  It had Etchings on the spikes.
     "Who are you?" Absorbo asked.  "and are those marks Hylian?"
     "Yes they are.  My name is Ryan Stewart.  My sword is called Ke--Joe" he looked at his sword and started arguing with it.  "I made you and I will call you what I want DANGIT...Fine." at this last bit his shoulders slumped.
     "Are you alright?" E asked.
     "Yeah I'm fine but in a moment you wont be."  He rose his sword and pointed it at us.  "Joe, Attack!!"
     "You talk to your sword?"  Absorbo asked.
     "Yeah wouldn't you if you had a sentient sword?"
     "Um do you think that really is sentient or is he just crazy?"  E asked
     "Enough talk it is time to die!!"  He swung his sword at Can Man.
     Jukebox immediately started up with Final Fantasy IX battle music.

[The Purple Power]

I remember it:

You fell for it!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, it took me awhile, but at 1:00 in the morning, I remembered and wrote it down.

[The Purple Power]

Can Man instinctively blocked, draw cans from everywhere on his suit to generate a shield of compressed cans.  The shield would have broken except that Can Man's will was able to withstand the force of impact.  He slid back a few feet.  Then, Ryan readied a new attack.  This time he rushed Penguin Man, who barely dodged in time.

Jack, however, decided to go on the offensive.  He looked around and saw a punching bag.  Focusing deeply and using his hands, he raised the punching bag into the air and launched it at Ryan with such force that Jack fell over.  Ryan quickly responded by slashing the object in half.  Jukebox rushed him, but he tripped on a penguin just as Ryan's next swing was about to decapitate him.  Jukebox sighed in relief, jumped up, and ran out of the way.

Penguin Man jumped in next and attacked surrounding Ryan with penguins.  Ryan defeated all of them in a single swing and charged once again at Penguin Man.  Penguin Man went all out as thousands of penguins began appearing in towers in between him and his opponent.  Ryan, though his vision was temporarily blocked, proceeded through the penguins with one swing of his his mighty sword.  However, Penguin Man summoned a giant wad of penguins in the air right above Ryan and he hit the floor unconscious.

The penguins disappeared as Penguin Man and Can Man approached their unconscious foe.  Absorbo helped Jack to his feet and the two of them ran over with E to Ryan.

"He seemed really angry earlier," E said, "Was he okay?"

"I don't know," Can Man said, thoughtfully examining the sword.

"He seemed to think his sword was sentient," Absorbo said, picking up the sword.

That's because I am, he thought.

"Ahh!" he exclaimed, dropping the sword.  "It...it...it thought...with my mind!  That was so weird!"

[The Purple Power]

"What?" Penguin asked, "You mean it does have a sentience?  I thought he was just crazy."

"That too," Jukebox replied smoothly.  "On to the matter at hand, what should we do.  We appear to be trapped here, and I have a feeling our presence is no longer unknown." He glanced around the room once more.

"Yeah, 'cuz singing in the vents didn't give it away," Absorbo snorted, then chuckled.  "Why don't we ask the sword, maybe it can help?"

"It's not like we have another option," Penguin man said and then, sighing finished, "Okay, go ahead."

Absorbo reached for the sword once more and hoisted it to his shoulder.  Then, he waited.  After a few moments he was worried that something was wrong.

H-Hello? he thought hastily.

Hello, I am Joe, what is your name? came the reply.

Absorbo shuttered for a moment, then responded, I'm Andy.

Nice to meet you Andy, you seem nicer than my previous owner.  All he ever wanted to do was fight, but you seem nicer, rough and aggressive yes, but not hateful.  I don't really want to fight because I am actually a pacifist.  I was able to influence Ryan's swings enough so that they were not at full power, but I have so little control that I couldn't stop him.  I hope I did not hurt anyone.

Okay, Joe, Absorbo began, could you help us get out of here.  If you do I bet we can make sure that Ryan doesn't bother you, but not from in here.

Okay, the sword replied, but only if you promise.

"I'd say we should head back to the base, our mission has been compromised."  Can man stated while Absorbo was conversing.  "We have already apprehended one criminal, I think that will help things upon our return."

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!" Absorbo screamed suddenly, "Guys, we have a major problem.  Remember Colin?"

"The quiet kid, what about him?" Jack asked.

"He's evil," Absorbo stated coldly, "He's working for Mr. Evil."

"So," E replied, "I mean, that's bad but...well...all he can do was tell time, I mean...it's not THAT bad...is it?"

"No, he faked that," Absorbo answered harshly, "He can copy people's powers.  He was supposed to free the Pyro twins and join Mr. Evil.  We have to get back to the school and warn them now."

"Got it."  Penguin Man said as Can Man and Jack rushed to apprehend Ryan.  "Lead the way, you've got the sword after all.  I'll cover you."

Very carefully, the group made their way out of the room.

*               *               *

Later, as they leave the building...

A massive set of doors flies open as penguins flood the grass and disappear one by one.  Penguin Man pants for a few moments as the team stops to rest.  Jukebox and Emily are the last to leave the building.

"How are you holding up?" Jukebox asked, comfortingly, "You seem...distant...even a little bit more than I would normally expect from you, is every thing alright?"

Emily sniffled and turned head away from Jukebox for a moment.  Then, she couldn't hold it any longer, she bawled.  Andy and Jack immediately bolted over to E, and Andy caught her as she fell.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked, pausing to glance at Jukebox.

"I think she's been suppressing her emotions as a method of controlling her power, but for some reason this particular time was incredibly strenuous on her."  Jukebox said, wiping tears from his eyes.

"I...I...I'm okay."  Emily said, still whimpering.

"Guys," Penguin Man called, "We need to get back fast..."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Andy asked sweetly, a tone Jack and Jukebox had never heard him use before.  Emily sniffled and nodded.  So together, Jack and Andy helped her stand and led her to the car and they headed out once again.

[nimrod3k]

Well everybody this is my last post for two years or so.  I am going on a proselyting mission to California San Jose.  So here it is.

     They drove back as fast as they could.  They passed several police cars but none of them stopped their SUV.  They were all distracted by penguins in their back seat.
     "Why aren't their radars going off?"  Jack asked.
     "Simple," Jukebox said, "the school is affiliated with the government, so we know the frequency range they use and are able to fool their radars.  We have some of the most advanced RES's or Radar Evasion Systems in the world."
     They sped along arriving at the school but it was too late.  The doors were almost completely incinerated.  They rushed inside.  To see utter chaos.  Some of which would be amusing if it weren't for the injured people.  There was peanut butter and jelly all over the walls along with scorch marks.  The windows were all broken from what seemed to be a shock-wave from inside the cafeteria.  There was a girl by the food window unconscious.  There were taser guns with the ends of the wires melted with the personnel wielding unconscious they seemed to have flame resistant suits.  Matthew Simons was going around healing people.
     "Hey, Rev, is the administrator okay?"  Jukebox shouted to Matthew.
     "Yeah he is safe in his office."  Matthew replied clearly more than a little bit shaken.  "Fortunately we only have one dead."
     "Somebody died?" Emily asked.  "That's horrible."
     "No he was already dead.  I was referring to Gary Grey.  The Phantom Man.  I was trying to interject a little bit of humor in this situation after all nobody was actually killed.  I guess that one fell flat."
     Jukebox turned to the others.  "This is where I will leave you guys.  I will give my recommendation for Emily to stay on the team.  You guys may not have noticed but she was really helpful in the fight with Ryan and she stayed out of the way of the actual battle.  You guys just need to remember to keep an eye on her.  I'll take that sword and find somebody new to wield it.  Oh yeah and give Ryan to the history teacher."
     "The history teacher?  Why?"  Andy asked.
     "Oh, you haven't had one of his classes yet?"  Josh asked.
     "No.  Why?"
     "He can go into the past but he can't affect it.  He can also take somebody with him and leave them there.  That is where I left the two thugs I picked up."
     "If they can't interact wouldn't he suffocate?"
     "No, they are still in their own time but their minds create a version of their body so they can walk around and view the events.  We just need to put food in front of him and his senses will pick it up and his avatar will see it and be able to eat."  Josh replied.
     "Okay.  So..."  Andy said turning back to Jukebox
     "Who doesn't own a cell phone," Jukebox sang followed very quickly by, "Sorry."
     "Where are you going from here?"
     Jukebox started singing again.  "Where do I go from here.  Erm sorry I guess I'm just in one of those kind of moods."
     "When are you not?" Emily asked.
     "I guess you  have a point there.  Anyway there was this guy I was interested in.  His power has something to do with video games.  Apparently his power did not come from the alien.  He got a computer virus."
     "How is that possible?"  Penguin asked.  More than a little interested.
     "Not sure.  That is why I am so interested."  Just then a guy was walking past them with a wheelbarrow.  Inside was a corpse, actually pretty well preserved, with a phantom hanging above it.
     "Did I hear something about video games?" Gary asked.
     "Yeah his name is Cid Wiggin." Jukebox said.  He turned back to everybody else, "Guys this is, Gary Grey and his brother Richard.  Richard is one of two people here that don't have powers.  The other one is Joseph Slater.  Richard helps out his brother best he can."
    "Ooh kewl sword."  Gary reached out to grab it.  As his hand went through it he said, "Awesome it talks."  As he said this he disappeared.
     Give us to the body. The sword said through Jukebox's brain.
     He walked over to the body and placed it in Gary's lifeless fingers.  As soon as the sword touched the hand became slightly less lifeless.  After twitching a little bit the body got up.
     "Hey it looks like they are possessing each other."  Jack said.  "I wonder why Gary couldn't re-inhabit his own body."
     "Who knows but if this works for him..."  Jukebox said.  "It will make my job easier."
     Gary/Joe opened their mouth and stepped forward.  Promptly collapsing.  Richard helped them to their feet and held them up."
     "Looks like Joe doesn't have quite enough experience with controlling a body." Josh said.
     "Thank you for this guys." Gary/Joe said.
     "Which one of you is saying that," Emily said a little confused.
     "We can both speak through this body as it is.  The thanks comes from both of us.  Gary is a good person.  Yeah, and Joe gives me a chance to be in a body again.  I can get around mostly on my own."
     "Ok.  This is confusing." Emily said.  "I'll let the nerds figure this one out.
     "Thank you," Josh Andy and Jack, All said at once.
     "Well I'm glad our mission could help somebody."  Andy said.
     They all agreed.
     "We really need to report," Josh said. "it's been fun working with you Aaron.  You just need to work on covert"
     "Yeah, bye Aaron," Jonah said.
     "Thanks for giving me a chance." Emily said.  "Keep in touch."
     "No problem I had another friend whose power was thought to be useless.  Her name was Alisha.  Now she goes on the occasional mission with some support."
     "See ya, Jukebox" Andy said.  "Keep on rocking."
     "Bye Aaron, it was fun."
     "Yeah it has been fun.  Maybe we can work on another mission together someday.  Something more active.  See ya'll later.  I'll be around"
     Jukebox walked away and the team headed for the administrators office.

[sharky]

I would say that on the whole you keep this room all to yourselves, because if I were to start on this I would need as many pages to critique this as you have used to write in it.

Please guys, read what you post with some care, I know it's fiction fantasy but read a few more books by a wide range of sci-fi authors to improve your writing skills somewhat.

What you've written isn't all crap, some of it is quite good, but put some effort into straightening out the errors without simply continuing the confusion.

What you've posted reminds me of the 'carry on'  style pieces we used to work on a while back here, sort of an 'add to the story' but in your own style, where all the members joined in to create chaos and have a bit of fun.

Your work here seems chaotic and seemingly going nowhere, littered by five and six word sentences which make a piece seem staccato and jumpy.

I think you need to take what you've posted so far as one piece, edit it, spell check it, then run right through it without stopping to see where your details differ and put them right.
If you post it again as a whole piece it might give you the direction you need to finish the piece or move it forward a few more steps.

I look forward to reading more, but work on what you've already posted and give it a lick of polish and a good buff, we all need a good buff once in a while eh?

James.

[The Purple Power]

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile I have college and...yeah...

Once they were in the office they noticed the Administrator behind his desk.  He looked quite stressed, which was to be expected.  However, there was another unfamiliar presence in his office.

"Student," the Administrator started with a clear squeak in his voice, "This is Peter Prigult.  His codename is Pinball.  He will be accompanying you guys on your next mission.  He has been tracking Mr. Evil in his movements and will be a valuable asset to you in the fights.  His knowledge of your target will be invaluable."  He shuffled through some paperwork and sighed deeply.

"Something wrong, sir?"  Josh asked, sensing his distress.

"I normally don't like employing vigilantes, but..." he paused and sighed once more, "I have no other choice here.  Most of the other heroes have been incapacitated."

"It's okay."  Jonah stated, stepping forward, "I assume full responsibility for him."

"All right then," The Administrator said.  "Here is the paperwork on your mission, and don't worry about the clean-up.  I can't believe Colin did all of this."

"Wait," Jack interjected.  "Colin did this!?"

[The Purple Power]

"Yeah," Peter chimed in, "He was the only one that could.  He had the ability to copy powers just by looking at you."

"And," the administrator said strongly, hushing Peter, "He used this ability to free the Pyro Twins from their prison.  We had entrusted their security to a teacher, and personal friend, who has the ability to visit the past; because the captives do not need to eat or sleep, and they can't escape of their own will, we found it to be a very effective prison as well.  However..." his voice trialed off and looked towards the door.

"Colin used his ability to steal the teachers power and free the twins."  Peter started, "He then used their combined powers to escape with some of the chemicals we have been storing here.  It didn't help that he saw Speedo and Percepto either.  Basically no one could stop him, even though most tried..." he sounded distressed and annoyed at the same time.  His demeanor appeared to be the same, anger seemed to be pulsing through him as spoke and it seemed to be all he could do not to start fighting people.



just as a side note, nimrod and I didn't communicate well on this one and he wrote some untrue things in one of the earlier posts, the history teacher's power DOES NOT require the human being to eat or sleep, for all intents and purpose their bodies are trapped in limbo.  Anyway, ENJOY!

[The Purple Power]

"Everyone," the administrator said, still distressed, "I am assigning all six of you to go and find Colin and to bring him.  Be careful, he is considered extremely dangerous.  Also, you should know the full extent of his abilities."  With this he shuffled through some paperwork, "Colin's abilities are not as limited as we originally believed.  He once was only able to take the power through contact.  However, sometime a few years ago, he was hospitalized with an unidentified illness.  When he returned, his abilities were altered.  He had somehow enhanced in his powers, yet lost significant control."  He paused and glanced at Emily.  She swallowed hard and looked to see if anyone else noticed.  The administrator continued, "His power no longer requires contact, but it appears as though he can't control its activation.  Simply seeing a person is enough to gain their abilities.  The duration of the ability is quite long, a few hours at least no actual testing has been done to determine the full duration.  After the few hours he loses the abilities he has copied."

"So, we just beat him up without letting him see us?"  Andy asked, "How are we supposed to do that?"

"Well..."  Jack started.

"That's enough!"  The administrator shouted. "That is your job to determine, please begin your mission.  I expect your report after the first day.  Restock any supplies that you need and leave.  I have a lot to take care of."  With this he began to shuffle through his papers once again.  The six heroes left him to his work and headed to the cafeteria.

"So," Peter said, "I'm Peter Prigult."  With this he extended his hand.

"Jack Luck, pleasure to meet you."

"I'm Andy, what's up?"

"Hi, I'm Emily!"

"Hey Peter, I'm Joshua Harvell."

"Jonah Roberts, it's nice to meet you."

They all took turns shaking his hand.

"So...what can you do?"  Andy asked impatiently.

"Oh, right.  I can defy physics..." he paused.  He seemed more excited than normal, and his stature had changed from the slumped, grim, and aggressive pose to a proper almost arrogant demeanor.  He continued, "In a specific way.  I can bounce off of objects with greater force and speed then I hit them with.  I have some control of course, but it's driven by adrenaline.  So, the more I bounce, the less control I have.  You'd be surprised how hard it is to calm down when you're bouncing off walls...literally."  Andy, Josh, and Jonah looked at him, wide-eyed.  Emily just stared blankly.

"How are you not hurt by it?"  Josh asked.

"Could we use this to produce some sort of energy source?"  Jonah said.

"Is it fun?  And would it help you if I could make you some sort of super suction gloves?"  Andy said quickly.

Emily scoffed, "Boys!"

"Perhaps now is not the best time," Peter replied, chuckling heartily, "How about we wait until we are on the road, huh?"  With that the group began to pack quickly.

[The Purple Power]

This should probably be a new chapter...enjoy!

As Jonah drove their group down the road, the gang was silent in the back.  The shock of the news about Colin, and their lack of Jukebox to relieve the sorrow, made it difficult to speak.

"So..." Peter began, being the first to dare to speak, "What can you guys do?"

Josh was the first to answer, "I can summon penguins!"  He stated excitedly.

"Nice!"  Peter responded, offering a high-five.  Josh complied.

"I can absorb energy."  Andy said.

"Sounds cool."  Peter responded, enthusiastically.

Jack answered next, "I am telekinetic or psychokinetic."

"What exactly is the difference?  I never really understood that..."  Peter asked.



I'll post more later, you know, when i don't have Calculus.   Although, I do like Calculus...have fun!!

[The Purple Power]

"Well," Jonah interjected abruptly, "It has more to do with the way in which the power is used rather than the effect of the power itself.  If you direct the motion of an object telekinetically then it is implied that a hand is being used to direct the motion.  However, Psychokinesis implies only the use of the mind so there is no hand required.  In Jack's case it appears as though the latter requires more energy."  Everyone looked at Jonah strangely.  Peter and Josh laughed.

"That's Jonah!"  Josh said.  "Smartest guy I know!"

"Yeah," Peter commented, patting Jonah's back with a smile on his face.  "How did you know that much about someone else's power?"

Jonah thought a moment, concentrating on driving and wording his answer right. "I know a lot of things, mostly from school and personal interest.  However, I have also been watching Jack, Andy, and Emily since I met them in order to learn how they could be helpful to our team..." He paused and smiled widely, "And Josh told me."

"Oh," Peter laughed again, he seemed to do that a lot.  Then he glanced out the window and motioned for Jonah to stop the car.  They had arrived...

I'll post more as I think of stuff to have happen...sorry I'm not more prepared.

[The Purple Power]

Peter led the way as the gang entered a small clearing.  This clearing was on a small hillside and was large enough to accompany five people as well as it's six newest occupants.  Emily looked off away from the hill and saw the sunset.  She seemed peaceful and content to just be near her friends and in such a beautiful place.  Andy took a step towards her.

"She's quite fine where she is."  A voice called behind them.  The gang spun around to see who had spoken.

"Hi," a slightly taller girl with shorter brown hair stood up and extend her hand.  "My name is Allison Fereshetian.  You can call me Ally-Sue.  Oh, and since you all seem to be confused, I have the ability to sense surface emotions.  Whatever it is that a person is truly feeling, I can tell."

"What about me?" Emily asked, "I alter people's emotions, can you tell what they are feeling or what I am making them feel?"

"It's what they are truly feeling, not what you make them feel.  For example, you are feeling curious, as are most of you, however Andy is feeling..."

"Ally-Sue, that's enough."  The next girl spoke up. "Let's not go blabbering people's secrets to each other.  Even if I really do like to make people feel awkward.  I'm Raina Heinold, and I can sense a person's emotions toward another person, just not when it involves me for some reason."  This girl was a bit shorter than Ally-Sue, but her hair was longer and she had glasses and braces.

GAH!  I HAVE TO POST MORE!!!!  I'll get right on that...eventually...sorry it's taking forever!

[The Purple Power]

Peter chuckled again.  He turned to the next person to introduce her, but Josh cut him off.

"Anna Stewart," he said, surprised.  Anna was of average height and possessed long, straight blond hair.

"Hello, Josh posh" she said sweetly, yet with a hint of annoyance.  "How are you?  Do you still think that I'm u-"

"Stop it right there!" Josh interrupted quickly, "You know I hate it when you do that."

"Yes," she said, smiled mischievously.  "I know."

Josh turned to face the group, "Anna has the ability to annoy me.  I know it's sounds oddly specific...but it's true."

"How did you meet?"  Jonah inquired.

"We dated once.  It was shortly after one of my early training missions.  Her power wasn't as bothersome then."  Josh answered, seeming to miss that time.

"And then there was that incident with your sister and the r-"  Anna smirked.

"Stop it!"  Josh replied, angry but still grinning slightly.  Raina and Ally-Sue chuckled.  Ally-Sue made a move to speak, but Raina stopped her.

"Well,"  a slightly younger boy spoke up.  "If we are all done with these people and their 'relationship issues,' I'd like to discuss the matter of our next tactical advance with you all."  This boy was also of average height, had short brown hair, and seemed to be very scrawny.  He also sported two pocket protectors and had a pen drive hanging around his neck.

"Lighten up, Kyle"  Peter said, slapping Kyle on the back.  "Everybody this is Kyle Hawkins.  He's our tactical guy, he also has a power that has something to do with a magnetic field, but it's not that strong so it has a very limited range."

"I'm Daniel Clark," the next boy said, not waiting to be introduced.  "I can make anything out of cardboard and duct tape.  You should see my designs for a graphing calculator holster."  He stood slightly taller than most and also had short brown hair, except he had glasses.

"Graphing Calculator Holster!"  Josh and Jonah said together.  They ran over to Dan and began to discuss design ideas.

"Boys,"  Emily and Anna scoffed.  Then they chuckled and began to chat.  The others began to mingle as well and the chatting continued later into the evening.



YEAH!!!!  MORE POSTING!!!!!!  I WILL POST MORE!!!!  I just don't know when yet...or what it will be about.... 

[The Purple Power]

After much writing, much needed plot will be discussed.



"Settle down everyone," Kyle stood in front of the rest of the group.  "In order to successfully infiltrate Mr. Evil's layer you must first understand its basic infrastructure"  He trailed into a tedious and detailed explanation of each floor of the base.  "The lowest floor, B3, contains Mr. Evil's personal office, lab, and training quarters.  The above floor contains the quarters for his six cohorts.  These two levels are connected by a sub-level, G1, which they use as a garbage heap or supply room for training purposes.  Though it may not be possible, this is the most tactical entry point for the lowest level as it will avoid the training room which could easily contain a trap."  He paused to make sure everyone could see the image that he had been pointing to.

"His cohorts," he continued, " Are as follows: Flare Blaze, with the ability to resist extreme heat; Inferno Blaze, who can generate flames; Steven Stahl, who has invulnerability; and Nathaniel Scheibner, who may or may not posses an actual power but it still a formidable fighter.  This leaves another girl we've seen once before.  Her name and power are unknown but she appears to be quite strong.

"Colin Christopherson is the only remaining super-powered being in the employment of Mr. Evil.  As you are likely aware his power is the ability to copy another person powers through sight alone.  He can continue to use whatever power he has copied for several hours after obtaining it.  It also appears that he does not gain any knowledge of the power he obtains or he would not have needed to be undercover for as long as he was.  Also, any potentially unwanted side effects are gained upon the ascertaining of a power.  Finally, it appears as though his ability activates involuntarily, which could be used against him in combat.  Any questions?"  The group seemed a bit overwhelmed, but most understood the general idea.  Emily slowly raised her hand.



I have more written.  Just need to post it!

[The Purple Power]

"Yes, E?" Kyle said.

"Will all of us be going in?  Or will we go in separately?" she asked shyly.

"Good question," he responded, "Due to the combat oriented nature of his power, Peter Prigult will be joining you under the name Pinball.  The rest of us will remain here.  I will direct you inside with this cellphone." he handed the phone to Emily, "My codename will be Major Magnet , contact me if you need additional help.  Any other questions?" he asked again.

"What exactly is Mr. Evil planning?"  Jack asked.

"Our understanding is very limited in that area.  Surprisingly, Mr. Evil is an especially brilliant chemist and genetic engineer.  He was able to develop a chemical formula which could alter the genetic encoding for superpowers.  From what we could determine it appears as though he is trying to use this formula to enhance a person's superpowered abilities to great extents.  We know he has tested this experimental process on several people, including Anna and Colin.  We are not aware of the identity of the others at this time.

"At any rate, it would seem that Mr. Evil is attempting to gather a small army and use it to overthrow the government , but that theory is inconsistent with the timing of his plan.  He would likely have implemented it by now.

"Another possibility is that he is going to conduct this same experiment on normal humans.  We have heard rumors of strange side-effects of the formula on normal humans.  We think these side effects are not manifested in superpowered beings due to the level of immunity that the radiation appears to produce when genetically altering a human.  However, we are not aware of exactly how his formula affects humans so it is hard to tell if this is his plan.

"It's late, let's get some rest," Kyle said, so the group pitched their tents, girls in one boys in the other, and went to sleep...



And just so you know, none of these characters sleep together...not until they are married anyway (if that happens)  I just hate the idea that two people who are dating are sleeping together.  It drives me nuts.  So no, it will NEVER HAPPEN in my stories!  Anyway, enjoy!

[sharky]

I know i keep saying this but for goodness sake....even in science fiction you got to keep a sense of reality and unless you actually state in your tales that to have underaged sex or any physical relationships with the same or the opposite sex who are of age but not married is considered some kind of Huge TABOO, then teenagers will be teenagers.
You don't have to describe sexual encounters to the small decimal point, credit your reader with some smidgin of  brain activity and imagination, he/she wouldn't be reading sci/fi if they didn't have a thing for it.
'And she kissed him with a smouldering passion and led him into the tent by the strap of his rucksack,' is all you need to say, let the imagination of your reader do the rest.
'Next morning the pair emerged glowing with happiness, holding hands as they walked down to the stream to bathe'
there! that's a relationship started and not a mention of anything sexual other than a smouldering kiss, an if that offends your sensibilities then you're weird 

[Jeff]

Sharky makes a valid point about allowing the reader to jump to his or her own conclusions. Some of my best stroies have been where I didn't divulge information and where I allowed my reader to form their own conclusion. For instances, in my play I have a Daugthter and Son return to their father's home out of concern that their father was/is dying. Of course the old man is bitter and resentful of his children. In the first act of the play I hinted at what may have caused the children to leave but I never divulged what actually happened, this gives the reader/audience the opportunity to run scenarios in their own imagination.  Just something to think about as you write your story. 

[The Purple Power]

I appreciate your advice in writing very much.  However, I do not feel that it is okay to have any sexual implications if nothing happened.  You can argue with me all you want.  However, I will NOT be implying anything as long as I can avoid it.  Sorry if I am being mean here, but this is one thing that I feel very strongly about, and I will not be changing my mind anytime soon...

[Jeff]

We're are not suggesting that nothing happens, but since your set in your mind on how your story is going, no problem. It's your story after all and we were just making suggestions.

[The Purple Power]

Thank you.  I hope I did not come across as too harsh.  I appreciate the advice of being subtle in writing, but relationships are one of those things I am VERY strict about.  I just don't like the implication that everyone that is dating must be physical with each other (on even any level).  Anyway, that's just me...

[sharky]

Even friends hold hands, give warm hugs and embraces when their friends are feeling low, or a kiss on the cheek or forehead to re-assure their friends everything is going to be ok.
Your writing style at the moment is more like describing a long running computer game...devoid of emotion...running from one fight to another...blowing things up....nobody getting hurt....all a bit nineteen eighties 'A Team'. with high powered machine guns going off all over the place and not one wounded man/woman in the place.

Stories need emotion, they need to express feelings either from character to character, or to the reader of your story, because without something for your reader to get wrapped up in, a romance, a rescue of a loved one, all you got left is shoot this, kill that, blow that up, chase the bad guy, bang bang bang.........it all gets very boring very quickly.
Were you not co-writing this with others? You need as Number five says, 'INPUT', because at the moment it's lifeless, it has no soul, and I'm afraid that's what most folk look for when they read a story.
I'm not saying your work is rubbish, you have a wonderful imagination, and that is a neccesary component for being a writer of any genre, you should simply take time to look back through what you've posted and add some feeling, even a hint of a relationship.
One character can think to him/herself so that the reader knows how he/she feels about someone else, without anything ever happening, but at least your reader knows that one character has feelings  (however hidden) for another character in your writings.

As i have said to Cobra several times, 're-read before you post' His work has improved tenfold in the last year or so because he now realises what it takes to make stories work better....do your homework, and edit your work before you post.

[Fierce Deity]

Not to be rude, but Sharky have you been paying attention? You erroneously criticize PP about his characters not having any hint of interest in on another:

One character can think to him/herself so that the reader knows how he/she feels about someone else, without anything ever happening, but at least your reader knows that one character has feelings  (however hidden) for another character in your writings.

If you recall, such interest has already been established:

"That Delta D.  He's a strange one."  Jack and Andy had finally stopped laughing when they rounded a corner.  Down the hall they spotted Emily.  She noticed them and waved to them.  Jack and Andy waved back.  As they approached her Jack leaned over to Andy's ear.

"Asked her out yet?"  he whispered.

"Shut up!"  Andy said grinning and giving Jack a slight shove.

"It's what they are truly feeling, not what you make them feel.  For example, you are feeling curious, as are most of you, however Andy is feeling..."

"Ally-Sue, that's enough."  The next girl spoke up. "Let's not go blabbering people's secrets to each other.  Even if I really do like to make people feel awkward.  I'm Raina Heinold, and I can sense a person's emotions toward another person, just not when it involves me for some reason."  This girl was a bit shorter than Ally-Sue, but her hair was longer and she had glasses and braces.

If you can't figure out the implications from these two excerpts, then you have no right to complain that they are not there. I will agree with you that most of PP's characters are two-dimensional and it sounds a little too much like a bad action movie. Think of this story as a rough draft. PP and nimrod are basically just trying to get the ideas down and sort out the details later. The spelling and grammar errors in this story bug me as well, but rest assured that someone is already compiling and editing the story. So lay off them about the spelling and grammar issues.
Also, with respect to the relationships, many of his "characters" would agree with him. Almost all of them are based off of real people that share his views, including myself. While your arguments would be perfectly valid for fictional characters, it would make little sense to base a character off of someone and then turn that character into something the person would never be.

[Jeff]

Welcome the forum, glad to see you posting.

There is nothing wrong with rough drafts and getting ideas out, I hope they both continue to do so both here in the forum and off line on paper. It creates a wonderful habit of writing that in time will only get stronger and create a better writer in them.  I guess I wasn't looking at this story as a rough draft nor did I realize they were using real people and posibly real events in their charectors and in the story. Nothing wrong with that, just I didn't know that.

I am looking forward to reading more and in the future, I'll refrain from comenting as it seems they have a plan and know how they want the story to go.

Jeff

[The Purple Power]

Well then...thanks for the defense Fierce Deity (Zelda much?  YEAH!  Anyway...).  They ware right, though, most of the people are real, including myself (yes, I am in there).  And those that aren't will have attributes that I DECIDE ON.  So yeah, I will get up another post ONE OF THESE DAYS....yeah, I'm bad about that...thanks again, and I hope I didn't seem to harsh....

[The Purple Power]

Also, Jeff, please don't refrain from commenting, while I may not implement your ideas in this story I still appreciate the input that you are giving.  So...thanks! 

[sharky]

I make comment here FD on experience of having my work critiqued by a top agency in london, and having it trawled through by much better published authors than myself.
I critique....that's what I do....my comments about the story having no feeling are based on several pages, not one or two small paragraphs pulled from a dozen.
Where is the colour? Where is the weather? Where are the injuries of battle which take weeks to heal not minutes when another fight is one hundred yards up the path and through a few caves.
All I'm getting at is reality FD, the tale must have reality, or the reader will just drift off into boredom.

Critique is all about what has been posted, not who has posted it.

James

[EllieT]

I think, perhaps, what should be established is whether this forum is for critiquing of work posted and/or the purpose of posting pieces here altogether. On a personal note, I did glance through them but I found the lack of grammar and spelling and sentence structure too distracting, to be candid.

For whom is this story intended i.e. age group, anyway?

When somebody wants their story critiqued, perhaps mention before the story: C&C or critique and comments. If not - why post a piece, anyway?

Ellie

[Jeff]

Ellie,

I attempted to do just that a long time ago and unfortunately I didn't make myself clear and I was chastised for attempting to do so.

Now that I know a few more details behind what they are doing, I don't object to them to continue posting their story here. I figure it helps them communicate between themselves and if that helps, than by all means they should continue to post here. If they want detailed input or structured opinions on a scene, they should post it in the crique forum.

Jeff

[The Purple Power]

Brilliant Deduction, Jeff!  That is quite accurate.  Also, I believe nimrod had begun to post part of the story in the "Critique and Comment" Section, but I don't know how far he got with it...

[sharky]

Don't get me wrong here but my occasional forays into critique on your work posted here is only an attempt to make you do the ultimate double take and improve what you post.
I didn't mean to provoke a heated debate on where and when a critique is made, so apologies PP if you feel distressed over it.
I was told many years ago now that if certain subjects during a critique were repeatedly mentioned, then the work should be shelved for a week...a month...then re-examined freshly at a later date from the beginning.
Look at your own work without a pen in your hand, (figuratively speaking if it's a keyboard you've been using) and critique your own work....look at it from your readers point of veiw, look at it for what's not in it rather than what is, it's surprising how quickly you can add depth, colour, smells, sounds, weather, pain, sorrow, despair, love.....etc.
There's so much to add to a story it can make your head spin, but there are times when you need to cram in as much as you can, crowbar in some anguish, hammer in some injuries which cause pain and distress, screw in some tenderness which has your reader sympathising with your character and as close to real tears as you can get them.
You have to stir the emotions of those that read your work, make them want more than anything else to read that next page, that next chapter, but you also have to learn when to stop and reveiw what you've written.
Or else it all becomes a choppy blur from posting in paragraphs in bits like an add to the tale type story.

[Bekah]

Sharky I understand what you are saying in a literary sense but since I know Purple Power I am going to try to say what he is not.  The reason that it seems very action with very little emotion is becuase that is what he likes (trust me I tried to watch Spiderman with him:) All the people are real and I know most of them, the attributes fit.  Although more drama would be nice with the characters I don't find it happening anytime soon.  I hope that sounds right and does not offend Purple Power (or anyone else)

[The Purple Power]

Sharky: I am afraid of shelving it.  If I shelf it I am afraid that I will never be able to finish it.  At this point I feel that I have a reasonable amount of momentum.  Critiquing can come afterword.  After all, what is the point of having a critiqued but unfinished work...?  I don't think there is a point.

Side Note:  A few of the characters are made up.  Jack Luck, Emily Miranda Ocean, Christopher Kain (and the other speed guys), and Marty (Mulligan Man).  However,  most of the MAIN characters are based off of real people, most of whom are nerds (myself included).  Not that it was that important to mention this...but I AM a technical person...

[sharky]

If you can take on board just a few ideas for more detail as your tale progresses, it will blossom, and I take on board that the way you write is what you like, but you have to take a step back and look at this from a readers prospective.
Not everyone reads stuff the way you do, or likes the exact same thing you do, so you have to make an effort to write for everybody, especially posting on a writers site like this where everyone is likely to want to read and make some kind of comment.
I like your style of writing and your energy but like I've said, you need to add more detail.

Even if it's the colours involved in the explosions during battle, the smells of cordite/gunpowder/blood in the air.
The blinding flashes of irridescant blue and golden red, as the powder blew a gaping hole in the green coroded brass door of the castle.......?
You get where I'm coming from...I know you do :-) 

Regards

 James

[Runo Bannister]

I could be mistaken about this, but I'm pretty sure the characters are based off of comic book superheroes with perhaps a little anime influence.  One signature thing about both is that they have often unrealistic battle scenes with a skewed hit to injury ratio, so it isn't really supposed to be realistic in that way.  I do agree that they could still do more to make the characters interesting though, and I can't stand the spelling and grammatical errors, but I know what they are going for with the story and I know that they don't intend this to be anywhere close to the final version.  Most of those problems that stick out will be fixed upon reviewing it, and repeatedly telling them to correct the same thing will only serve to aggravate them (well, him until nimrod gets back).  If they want critiquing  on anything, I would say they probably want it for the events and general plot, not for manner of delivery.